you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
