Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
