Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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