You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
