he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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