i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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