I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If I die, sorry about rent.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
