Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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