i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
