Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
