I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish I only lived at night.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
