chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
