I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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