we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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