and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
