So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
