R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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