xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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