It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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