we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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