did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
