Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
