First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
