There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
