If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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