i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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