i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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