dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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