my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
