did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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