this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
