i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
