My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
