I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
