yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
