so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
