If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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