you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
