the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
