I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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