The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
