Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
