Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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