what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
