I hate your face
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
