I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
