I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
