I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
