I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
