it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
