that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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