Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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