Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
